Written by EBM's Upper Elementary Teacher, Emily Howard

In the spring of 2020, parenting became more full-time than any of us could have fathomed. To keep from implosion and/or explosion, my partner and I decided we had to take a break from the hardest parenting task of the day: bedtime. 

Once a week, each of us left the house at bedtime and the other would put both children to bed. This was initially a challenge, with weeks of kid resistance and bedtime drama, but one person missed it each time and returned home with more capacity to parent the upcoming long day. In the pandemic, the house-leaving parent did the only available activities: went for a walk or a hike.

Six years later, with older kids and a longstanding routine, we each leave the house a few nights a week, still mostly hiking or going to the gym in the winter, but sometimes having tea or dessert with a friend or just wandering, alone our thoughts.

The parent who is home with both children also has special opportunities that can only come with that kind of dedicated time – there is no question who is “on point” and we don’t end up both half-engaged with the kids and never fully present. Two nights a week we do one-on-one bedtimes, so I have a night dedicated to my older child, who likes to go to the gym, and I get all the middle school gossip when we are on the elliptical side-by-side, and a night dedicated to my younger child, who likes a board game, a card game, or as much read aloud as possible. 

The intricate schedule of who is with one or both kids each night and who goes elsewhere is a steady force in our lives that makes space for both deeper connection and a regular opportunity to have time to myself. This one decision, initially made out of desperation, and continued because of its effectiveness, has strengthened our family both by letting parents have time to be humans and by giving us more intentional connection time with our children. I look forward to my solo evening hikes or alone time reading at a local cafe, but I also look forward to playing with my younger kid or working out with my older child.

I have received gratitude from many friends who have heard about our success and moved to a similar plan as well – please report back if you try it!